Broke for the Holidays
Dear Larry,
According to the very sketchy online quiz I took last Monday, my love language is giving and receiving gifts. I do love gifts, but something I don’t love is an empty wallet. The holiday season is just around the corner, but I am completely broke. It’s the most pivotal gift-giving time of year, but I am in no position to get people gifts right now. How am I supposed to express my love and gratitude to friends and family when I can’t get them anything? Even worse, what if other people get me gifts, but I can’t give them one? What can I do?
With Love,
Worried not Wealthy
Dear Worried not Wealthy,
I’ve had a lot of times when there was not a single spot in my pileus. Don’t worry, there are plenty of ways to make money, especially during the holidays. Shoveling snow-filled lawns and walking dogs in freezing weather at the crack of dawn doesn’t seem very fun, but hey, money is money. If the holiday snooze already caught up to you, homemade gifts have become a trend too. It’s become a tradition in my log for me to make everyone homemade decomposed matter with a touch of compost!
Love,
Larry
Deck the Depression
Dear Larry,
Winter is supposed to be a joyous time full of bright lights and presents. In reality, it’s the most depressing time of the year. The skies are all gray and murky and all the teachers are piling work on students because they want to cram their lesson plans in before break. Both the weather and the situation around me seem gloomy and depressing. At least in the summer there was the warm sun to enjoy! Now I just feel disgusting and lazy. I don’t even want to do the work that I’m assigned adding onto the stress and horrible mood I’ve already been in. How is this the most wonderful time of year?
Sincerely,
Sick with Seasonal Depression
Dear Sick with Seasonal Depression,
It’s easy to be a toadstool when this time of year comes around. My buddy Ollie the Oyster Mushroom went through a similar situation. Wouldn’t come out of his leaf for weeks and every time I saw him, his cap was all the way down to his stalk. The way he cheered up was having a nice hot cup of rain water and watching his favorite holiday movies, The Spore who Stole Christmas and The Fungi Express. Maybe watching holiday movies and eating good compost will get you in the right mood!
Love,
Larry
Baby it’s COLD outside
Dear Larry,
Summer is my favorite season, so you could probably guess how I feel about the winter time. I hate how COLD it is outside! In the morning, the sidewalks are slippery with ice, so I’m prone to falling down and getting hurt! It’s so annoying when I have to go outside in the morning to warm up my car when I’m half awake. The big puffer jackets that I layer on don’t even help against the raging wind and freezing temperature. I can’t stand the feeling of being cold, and I hate how it’s completely taken over my life! I wish everyday could just be summer.
From,
Frozen Faced
Dear Frozen Faced,
Oh boy do I agree with you. In the morning, I can’t feel my gills sometimes because it gets so cold. It’s hard to get the wood of my log open because of the layer of frost that forms around it. To be honest, the only thing that we survivors of the winter can do is be prepared for the worst. Stock up on hand warmers and hot rain water. I honestly can’t stand the cold either. It kills my growth spurts and it’s harder to go outside for decomposed matter. The only way we can get through it is by hoping and looking forward to a fast approaching summer full of polypores and psilocybin.
Love,
Larry