Dear bruised freshman girl,

First of all, ouch. When my friends and I play fungus ball (the mushroom version of volleyball), we’d be lucky to get a face ball even once every couple of games. Second, this guy has got to have crazy good aim to hit you in the face multiple times a game, so I must admit that’s very impressive. Okay, back to your question. I would say instead of filing a report against him, practice your aim against a wall for a week and spike him in the face back. Nothing screams, “stop hitting me in the face,” like intentionally hitting him dead in the face. My friends and I once threw acorns at a deer that kept eating our friends. Very effective, you know. Let me know how it goes. Good luck!