This will probably make me sound like a terrible human being, but listening to the comically traumatizing origin stories of irrational childhood fears is the funniest thing ever. Just imagine, one moment you’re a carefree child with no worries in the world and then BOOM—you now cannot stand the sight of long words or pickles.
To get a laugh and get in the mood for the most fear-filled part of fall, here’s a few scarring yet hilarious stories about childhood fears! And don’t worry, these are all very much real! The anonymous part is from the students who don’t want to lose their dignities to eternal shame and embarrassment!
1: Balloons
Yes, you read it properly. The lighter-than-air symbols of birthdays, parties, and virtually every celebration ever are the root of a poor child’s fear.
“When I was a toddler, my friend and I had a Halloween party and my friend had this gigantic balloon ring. He was bouncing it on his hand and it exploded right in front of me. Ever since then, I hate balloons. If I see one now I shake and cry and cover my ears.” — a junior
2: Pencil shooting lasers
Children tend to have wild imaginations, and thus, wild irrational fears. Fearing a vaporizing laser would shoot from the tip of the pencil and obliterate anyone unlucky enough to be in its path is one of them.
“In the fifth or fourth grade, for some reason, I always pointed my pencil in the direction with the least amount of people because I was afraid that a laser would blast out of it and destroy everyone in that direction.” — a junior
3: Butterflies
Butterflies. Butter, a soft creamy ingredient in things like cookies and cakes. Flying, a gravity-defying ability many humans dream of. Symbols of beauty and fragility and spring…now get an innocent child and lock them in a room filled with them and call it a field trip. Not traumatizing at all! We love kids here.
“One time when I was in fourth grade, I was in this church camp. It was really wack. We went to an aquarium and my travel group, my travel buddies, were assigned to go to the butterfly room, and I strongly objected but they all just said, ‘It’s just butterflies.’ My opinion obviously didn’t really matter because if everyone else wanted to go, you’d have to go. And we went and immediately I tensed up because I just saw all of the tiny little demons flying around. I was walking like a penguin—barely moving my body and just waddling my legs—and then a butterfly landed on my back. I screamed so loud everyone looked at me. My tour guide was like, ‘Dude, you almost stepped on a butterfly.’ I said, ‘Please get it off my back. I can feel it moving.’ And then they said, ‘Okay, do you need to leave’ and I said, ‘Yes.’ I ended up sitting outside the butterfly room waiting for my group to leave. But sometimes at night I have fears that someone’s gonna put my hand in a box and I’m gonna be swarmed by butterflies. I don’t know why I’m afraid of them, I just don’t like that they can fly or their legs or colors. It just makes me uncomfortable.” — a senior
4: Disney Princess: My Fairytale Adventure
Disney Princess: My Fairytale Adventure—a pretty princess Wii game for children 5 and older where the player acts as an apprentice to the loving Fairy Godmother to rid the magical worlds of Cinderella, Rapunzel, Ariel, Belle, and Tiana of evil curses! Sounds harmless, doesn’t it?
“The final boss of this Wii game, it forces you to run down a giant hallway while being chased by imps that throw spiderwebs that block your path. In this game, you have to use your magic to save all the fairies and the story implies that if you don’t catch the imp, all the captured fairies go down a giant cauldron and are destroyed. You don’t get them back at all and fail your fairy godmother. The tension, the music, and everything going on just builds up the panic within me and I can’t handle that kind of thing. Even the pressure of just this made-up story riled me up and it was just so painful. Whenever I see the game, I’m only able to get half of it done before I start flipping out.” — a junior
5: Eating Steamed Korean Sweet Potatoes in the Car After School
This one is incredibly specific and I honestly have no words for it.
“I’m not usually a fearful or superstitious person, but one time, in 5th or 6th grade, I got in my mom’s car after a long day at school and was given a sweet potato. It was weird, and I was suspicious at first because I was expecting to go home and have a snack there, but my mom gave me the sweet potato and told me to eat it in the car. As I was eating it, I asked why, and she revealed that she signed me up for a surprise trip to a math and English tutor. This was the first time I went to a tutor, and from all my friends I heard these stories of how much they hated it, and the fact that my mom told me I had to take a huge test there just made me panic. Also, the tutor ended up being an annoying jerk so the whole thing just ruined the experience of eating sweet potatoes for me. Now, I’m reluctant to eat them and I know that if my mom tries to make me eat a sweet potato in the car right after school, it’s bad news.” — a junior
Hopefully, you got a kick out of these scarring yet hilarious childhood stories. Who cares if you laughed and have now transformed into a terrible person? Now, your Halloween season isn’t just filled with fear and fright, but also the origins of the funniest childhood fears!
